Words Wreaking Havoc

I love words. But, recently certain words have been wreaking havoc in my mind. I say them over and over. I try to get my mind around them. I usually look them up in the dictionary, just to see what (someone else says) they mean. That usually helps. And, just for the fun of it, I also consult a thesaurus. Dictionary.com and Thesaurus.com - my two best friends.

Vulnerable.
Now that's a word. Definition: capable of or susceptible to being wounded. I never really gave that word much thought - until I was. Now I know what it means, literally. Synonym: exposed. Check. Now I get it. I can feel the raw texture of the word. Here's a side note on vulnerability that I discovered while mulling over its meaning in my head. This is astounding: In the book Captivating, John Eldredge says that God is vulnerable to us. In the same way that we long to be loved, God longs for us to love Him. In the same way that we yearn to be desired, God yearns for us to desire Him. He lays it all out there, exposed and vulnerable. A.W. Tozer says, "God waits to be wanted." He waits, with arms wide open, wanting us to take a step towards His warm embrace. God is vulnerable to us. Wow. That blows my mind. Only in feeling my own vulnerability can I even begin to imagine God's vulnerability - and not only to me, but to humanity, to His creation. You don't have to tell me twice! I'm RUNNING towards that embrace! Yet, how often have I taken a step back? It breaks my heart to think of the times when I knew He was standing there waiting for me to come to Him and I took a step back. That hurts.

Humble.
Definition: modest opinion or estimate of one's own importance, rank, etc; to destroy the independence, power or will of. We say things like, "I'm humbled" or "This has really humbled me." Until recently, never in my life had I uttered those words. I was surprised when other people would say them, wondering what they meant. I boasted in what I knew, in what I was sure of. But, I was wrong. The margin of my Bible defines humility as the personal quality of dependence on God. God destroyed my dependence in my own thoughts, opinions, and feelings regarding what I "knew" to be true. Now, I'm humbled and depending on Him. Philippians 2:8 says that Jesus humbled Himself and became obedient unto death, even death on a cross. I'm thankful and grateful for His example, but regret that it cost Him so much.

Peace.
That's a common word. We say it all the time. But, I still wanted to look it up in the dictionary. Peace means the cessation of or freedom from any strife or dissension. I never knew I didn't have peace until I found myself striving. I don't want to strive with God. I don't want to argue with Him about anything. Jesus said, "Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you." (John 14:27, NKJV) Paul says that the peace of God will guard our hearts and minds (Philippians 4:7). I don't really understand what that means. Peace of God or peace with God? I think its the latter. I want to be at peace with God. I don't want to want something He doesn't want for me. I don't want to strive with Him. I don't want my will and His will to clash. He can have His way. I give up. I surrender. Not having peace is not fun.

Blog.
Yes, I looked it up - mainly, so I could explain it to my friend Donna and to my mom. As in, "I'm starting a blog!" Definition: an online diary or commentary by an individual, used to communicate or reflect their views on life, culture, art, politics, etc. They still didn't get it. Maybe they're reading this now and have a better idea.

More words to come... and, if you have any you think I might find interesting, please let me know.