Broken Alabaster

I've been listening to songs by Misty Edwards a lot lately. The lyrics and performance style are a bit out of the norm for Christian music. It's different. She's different. This girl loves Jesus. I mean, she really loves Jesus. I would venture to say that Jesus hasn't been loved like this in a LONG time. She reminds me of Mary of Bethany who broke an alabaster box over His head and poured out a year's worth of wages in oil just for His annointing. Jesus has got Misty Edwards and Mary of Bethany lavishly loving Him.

It's been a while, but the more I listen to these songs, the more I realize that He has me, too. I'm one of His girls. My love for Him started somewhere in my youth. I used to sit at His feet and stare up at Him in loving adoration for hours on end. I used to crave time with Him. I used to block out the world and other people just to be alone with Him in our secret place. Listening to Misty Edwards, I'm reminded of that secret place and compelled to return there.

But I don't think I love Him the same way anymore. Its a different love. A seasoned love. A love that has been tested. My new love for Him says, "There is no cost, there is no loss, I'll say goodbye to my father and my mother, I'll turn my back on every other lover" to be with Him. A love that says, "Break what needs breaking, test me, try me, prove me, refine me. Take me through the fire, take me through the rain, take me through the testing, I'll do anything" to be completely yours. "I am lovesick for my Beloved, my Beloved and my Friend."

Lately I've been thinking that there's another level. There's another level in Christianity. There's another level in spirituality. There's just this whole other level and I desperately want to go there. I know it exists because I've seen other people living there besides Misty Edwards. I desperately want to join them. Whatever it takes: more prayer, more fasting, less TV, less technology, cave-man living, I don't care! I want to go there. I want to go to that level. I was made for "abandon and wholeheartedness."

I agree with one of her songs that says, "This is the generation that's tried everything and knows that only You can satisfy. A disillusioned generation looking for the face of God, and only You can satisfy." That is how I feel. I am desperate for the face of God. I am desperate to move into a new dimension of hungering and thirsting for righteousness. I want to be satisfied with Christ alone because this world has nothing for me. Nothing. I am desperate for Jesus. I adore Him. If I had an alabaster box it would be broken, and all I have poured out for the King.

Psalm 45:1-2
My heart is overflowing with a good theme
I recite my composition concerning the king
My tongue is the pen of ready writer,
You are fairer than the sons of men