Twenty-One Years

I’m selfish. I’m prideful. I'm rude. I love myself way more than I love my neighbor and certainly more than I love God. I complain, covet, lust, steal, cheat and lie.

If I have done any of these things - I’ve done them all. If I’ve done them a little - I’ve done them a lot. There are no degrees of grievances against God.

I am a sinner.

I need a Savior.

During my childhood years, I went to Catholic mass every Friday and most Sundays. I took communion, I went to confession, and I prayed the rosary. So, on a Wednesday night, January 25, 1989, at the age of eleven, I found it very strange to be sitting in a Baptist church listening to a Baptist preacher talk about sin and hell.

In my young mind, I remember thinking that I wasn’t a particularly bad kid. I had sinned, but hadn't everyone? In the Catholic church, being pretty good is good enough. But sitting there that night I realized that my sin, however small, still wasn't good enough for God. Realizing that made me want to clear things up between us as soon as possible. And I definitely didn’t want to be punished for my sins. If there was a get-out-of-hell-free card, then I wanted it. I wanted to be forgiven – for anything and everything – once and for all, and forever.

And, so I was.

But I didn't feel any different. There was no light beaming from the sky. I didn’t feel light or free. I went back to laughing with my friends. I went home and ate ice cream with my family.

It wasn’t until a few years later, during tragedy, that the Jesus I asked to forgive me and save me that night became very real and personal to me. He was my Savior, literally.

And, He still is today. Twenty-one years later.

This morning on my drive to work, an old hymn came into my mind.

“Heaven came down and glory filled my soul
When at the cross the Savior made me whole
My sins were washed away and my night was turned to day
Heaven came down and glory filled my soul”

Followed by,

“Oh, how I love Jesus – because He first loved me.”